I've gotta piss. That's my first coherent thought of the morning. My bladder's about to explode and I've got a hard-on.

Dammit.

There's a warm body curled against my back, a dog playing muffler with my toes, and I've gotta take a wiz.

Life isn't fair.

Grumbling my malcontent with the universe, I succumb to the call, pushing aside the heavy quilt and sitting up. Goten groans behind me, flat palm slapping against the empty indentation until the corner of the comforter is snagged and his lazy ass is shielded from the chill.

Lucky bastard. He has an hour before his nuts get to freeze off.

I wanna work nights.

But that position's already taken, and I can only imagine what our resident Son would say if he didn't have a living teddy bear to heat his bed and suck his dick before sleep every night. Probably suffer from withdraw symptoms until we both gave into his chibi charm.

And then none of us would get any work done.

Not that it matters. I'm just trying not to spontaneously turn into a Popsicle on the way to the bathroom. I can feel my sperm dying, it's so damn cold. It can be a nice moderate sixty degrees outside, and he still insists on cranking up the AC. Says is helps him work, and since he burns that midnight oil until the cock crows…

Or his cock crows. Which usually means Goten doesn't get his precious hour, the dogs don't get walked, and I'm late for work.

Doesn't seem to be the case this morning. Wonder if he fell asleep at the monitor again…

Ah, good goddamn. Little is better than letting it go first thing in the morning. Well, a good lay, maybe, but this…

Simple pleasures, my friend. Like taking a piss and not having to put the lid down.

I love being gay.

Hiking up my sweats, I run a hand through my hair and trudge back into the bedroom, careful not to trip on Ouji's snoring form as I make my way to the door in the predawn darkness. A collar jingles as Ouja perks up at the sound of the knob, and her quick, wagging form is at my feet in a heartbeat, impatient paws dancing around my attempts to find the shirt Goten ripped off me the night before. Shushing her with a chuckle, I pull the sweater over my head, shaking my hair free as we proceed into the hallway.

One…two…three…

At my fourth pausing breath, Ouji pads through, nosing the door open, stretching….yawns…shakes his floppy ears as he joins us in our morning routine.

Like clockwork. But then, he's as methodical as his master. I've almost got him timed to the minute.

Yeah, the minute I plug in the coffee pot. Mooching prick. One of the these days someone's gonna make me a cup of joe, dammit.

But I'm a sucker, and with a lazy yawn and a hand through the hair, I've filled the top, turned it on, and waiting as the bittersweet scent of ground black fills the kitchen like the half-light from the window. Ouja thrusts her cold nose into my palm and I pet her reflexively, scratching behind her ears as I watch the stars wink out through the foggy pane.

It's gonna be a nice day, I think. Rain's stopped, birds chirping, it's not garbage day…

"Hope you made enough."

"'Course." Another yawn tells me to get the fuck back in bed, and as much as I'd love to give last night another go before falling blissfully back into unconsciousness, I can't. "Asshole," I take the pot off our pleasant Mr. Coffee as my other half rummages through the cabinets for mugs, "It's like the fucking arctic in here." The glass is thankfully warm in my hand, and the steam takes the threat of revisiting puberty from my pants as my body finally begins to heat up.

Tired blues blink in my direction as he clinks down the cups and I pour it just the way we like it.

Strong, dark, and sweet.

"Yeah…" Tora gives a dismissive shrug as he raises both arms and stretches toward the ceiling. Ouji mimics his movement across the room before throwing himself on the rug with a huff.

Yeah, boy. Me too.

"So I'm freezing my nuts off in here, Tora. Least you could do is pretend to sympathize with me, dammit." I crouch down to retrieve the dog food from the cupboard, pulling out the bag and setting it on the floor as Ouja licks at my hand and wags her tail like a helicopter blade. I can't resist the ruffle of her ears or the smile as I put my hands on my knees to push up to stand…

"I can do much better than that, Briefs," is the hot, throaty whisper as tedious, callused hands slip around my waist, immediately tugging at my drawstring.

"Horny fuck," I retort as those glorious fingers squeeze me through my pants, my erection from earlier reminding me that, no, you didn't get rid of me exactly, you just ignored me in the hopes I wouldn't come back to haunt you.

Not when you live with two sexy bitches, you don't.

Good thing I got up before the alarm this morning, or I really would be late for work.

Damn, I love it when he's like this, tired from a late night and in severe need to release frustration. It gets me hard just thinking about the way he pushes me up against the counter, fingers struggling with that fucking belt he wears like an insignia-I mean, Capsule Corp hasn't sold that model in years, the outdated ass-so that he can thrust that stiff hard cock…

"Hai, Tora…" I brace myself expectantly over the counter as he slides my sweats down my thighs, stepping free of the fabric as his tongue traces the ascending line of his disposal. I love it, I fucking love it as he grabs my ankles and positions my feet apart, teeth nipping the inside thigh next to my balls before taking them into his mouth and sucking sweet Kami moans from my throat.

He laughs, the cocksucker, as I bend myself in half over the counter, the warm breeze of his breath making me so hard it hurts, so tight I ache to feel his hand on my dick. Just a stroke, Tora…something…

But I'm not the one he spoils so he makes me wait, tortures me with his god-given tongue as one hand runs teasingly between my legs, cups my balls, tickles the base of my cock without grasping. No pressure, no pleasure…

…no thought as his teeth suck and sip inwards, mouth moving over my ass to literally kiss my a-

"Tora!" White, the world's gone snow cone white and I'm getting the best fucking rim job of my life by my future self. The sensation's almost enough to make me cum, my cock held confident in his hand as the other braces against my hip, doesn't allow me to face fuck him like I want to, need to…

"Still cold, Briefs?" Sarcastic fucking asshole of a mother fucking bitc-

"Is that really any way to talk about our mother, Trunx?" He chuckles against my ass and I can feel his smirk, the dipshit mindreading whore.

"I heard that…" His hand comes down in a mock reprimand that slaps my cock against my belly. I know you did, asshole. I hate-

"No, Trunx…" I shiver as he hisses my name to my tailspot, fingers curling around the edges of the counter, hoping to Dende I don't crack it again… we really can't afford anoth--

He's going to do…oh, shit not the tai--

"You love me."

The last thought I have before I shoot my load is, no…it's really not that cold in here anymore.