"C'mon, boy! C'mon Ouji!" The dog in question makes his leisure way across the kitchen and I close the door behind his royal grace. Just like his owner, I swear to the fucking Namek. Every turn making my life more complicated than it needs to be. Slipping the end of Ouja's lead over my wrist, I crouch and fix the clasp on his majesty's collar.

"I know, I know…you tolerate me," I stand, giving my little black bundle of energy a jerk away from the most interesting bug she's ever seen to focus on the boring granite of the stoop. "It's not because I feed you, water you," I take the steps two at a time down to the sidewalk. Ouja scurries to keep up. "Walk you in the mornings, let you sleep in our bed…"

I've lost my appeal, and receive nothing but a yawn for my troubles. Damn dog.

Throwing my minor irritation to the birds, I whistle the puppy away from the bushes and we continue down the path in our regular routine of walking around the block.

It's a nice day. Yellow sun, green grass, those nifty pink flowers our neighbour grows that smell sweet enough to act as a sugar supplement. Goten thinks they're a narcotic. Right. Like the witch in Hansel and Gretel. Boy's got too much imagination for his own good.

Not that I'm complaining. Some of the positions I end up in could only come from someone as creative as he is. Least he puts his talent to good use, ne?

It's a nice trot to the corner store, Ouja managing only minimal trouble with the alley cats and Ouji blessedly refraining from marking everything under three feet high.

Both bring out their best behavior the nearer we come-it's like a damn light switch. From horns to halos the minute we get close enough to smell the bread.

"You've spoiled them, you know," I smile as the dogs precede me, the quiet jingle of the bell above the door and the fresh scent of pastries reminding me why sex on an empty stomach is a bad idea.

"They were rotten long before me, Briefs-san," the old man behind the counter jests, retrieving a brown paper bag with my name penned in careful, practiced letters across the front. As he hands me the goodies, his eyes crinkle and he leans over the glass display to taunt my terrors with doughy treats.

Like they deserve it. Hellions.

"Now you be good puppies," Ouja's tail moves in a frenzy. She almost doesn't wait the two seconds for him to drop, meeting him halfway and licking his fingers free of any stray remains.

Ouji, of course, takes his with a proficient patient that defies everything.

I don't pretend to understand the mutt. I just fuck the man.

"How's the family?" his question brings a smile. Family. Yeah, I guess that's what we are-two dogs, a Son, and a Briefs and a half.

Damn. Days like this make me feel my domestication.

"Fine…Goten's got a new job," I fish out the folded five from my back pocket, jerking my shoulder in the general direction, "working in a gift shop downtown." The old man smiles in understanding as I balance the bag and my escorts, a precarious feat though I am successful of my handing off the last of my previous paycheck.

Just like a woman. I get money, and Goten spends it. Damn boy finally gets a job and he claims the shit he works with is too cute not to buy.

If he brings one more Dende-damned Boyds' bear into that apartment…

Spoiled. Fucking rotten. Those big eyes, that pouty mouth…

Shit. Not hard, not hard…baseball…my mother…Chichi-san-

Much better.

"Good, good…" Ouja snaps at random fly-by ladybug and Ouji settles himself back against the flat of the counter flush with the floor. "Guess I won't be seeing him as much then, ne?"

"Oh, I wouldn't worry," I wave aside the change, figuring the forty cents is worth more to him and only saves me the hassle of digging it out of the washer later on when it's inevitably forgotten. "I'm sure he'll make excuses to come see you. You know how he lives for your chocolate double-deckers." Shit, I almost forgot…

"You still want that cake for his birthday?" What would I do without this man? Fucking lifesaver…

"Hai, Ojiisan. Send it to the house. I'll pay for it with one of next week's runs, ne?" He nods, the fading blues of his eyes framed with wrinkles.

"No rush, Briefs-san. I'll just add it to your tab." Giving the mutts a light jerk, I rouse his highness from his dozing sanctum, and Ouja comes away from sniffing the plant in the corner.

"Arigato!" Untangling my terrors, I tuck the parcel under one arm and head toward the sunlit door. "Tell your wife to stop by the store-we have the dress she wanted in some to die for colours."

He laughs, waving me away. "I should just say don't worry about the cake-you're going to make your money back anyway."

With a chuckle, I shoulder open the door, pausing for a moment to hustle my canine companions through. "Hai…but don't worry about it; I'll give her some excellent discounts on accessories." I pretend not to hear his mumbled irritations with the misses, only nodding and smiling as he calls a last good morning.

"And don't forget to tell your brother hello for me."

Goten's birthday's coming up. Gotta talk to Tora. Gotta get the cake. Gotta find time to go to Goten's store when he's not there to pick up the whole late season edition of Charming Tails…

Gotta buy flowers and those little candies he munches when we go to the zoo. Gotta make reservations for three at that snazzy new hotel in Satan City…

Lost in my hentai thoughts, I forget the reason I got up so early in the first place. To avoid-

"Yooohooo! Briefs-san!" I cringe visibly, but she always takes it as a smile. Trust a woman to mistake the obvious pain in a man's face for anything other than dread.

"Good morning, Laeny-san," I bring the dogs to a halt and Ouja looks questioningly over her shoulder. Ouji rolls his eyes before sitting obediently. I pet him understandingly.

There's nothing to bond men together like the annoyance of a chick. Especially when one is still reveling in the scent of fresh baked pastries and a phenomenal fuck.

"You're looking exceptionally well this morning," she chirps. Honest. Like an effing canary.

I shrug. "Yeah, well the worn look is in the season, what can I say," I move to pass her, but blonde doesn't deal with rejection and the sidewalk's only so big.

"Everything looks good on you, Briefs-san." My eyes grow wide as her hand nears my arm. "I bet it looks good off you as well…" This bitch does not mince words.

Ouji's growl stops her fingers from landing on the sleeve of Tora's snitched sweater. Coughing politely, I push aside her advance and step sideways to maneuver around her.

"Gomen-nasai, Laeny-san," pulling Ouji away from his latest and greatest vision of prey, I stumble over a scratching Ouja, the apartment building within sight…just around the block… "I have to get home and get ready for work."

I can make it. Walk fast, walk confident, don't turn around…

"Brief's-saaaaan!" I cringe. I stop. I take a deep breath and relearn my numbers.

"Nani…?" My hand's on Ouji's collar as she trots behind me, the harsh click of her slip-on heels echoing off the concrete and brick complexes. I wince as she clip-clops and halts beside me. What now…

"You…" A dramatic pause for a winded breath. "…dropped this."

Brown paper bag. Briefs Trunks Family written neatly on the front. Fuck.

"Soooooo…you are Briefs Trunks." She dangles the package with her thumb and middle finger, scrutinizing the black lettering that undeniably gives me away. "Sugoi…" One hand flattens against her chest, and big, brown, overly made up eyes stare up at me with that idolizing smile.

Well goddamn it. Just when you think you can hide from the fame…

"Arigato." I take the proffered bag before she can even entertain the thought of blackmailing me with muffins. You simply do not fuck with a Saiyan and his morning munch.

"You know, I thought it was you." I can hear her heels like a horse gait behind me as I resume. Why me…?

"Good for you," I mumble and my jaw clenches. Goten asked us to be nice to the neighbours. I'm trying, I fucking swear it…

"I just can't believe I live, like, right down the road from Briefs Trunks. It's so…" Another drama queen pause. "Faery tale-esque, you know?"

"No, Laeny-san, I-"

"Oh, you don't have to be so formal, Trunks-san," I can feel the tic above my right eye start to twitch at her over exaggeration. "We are neighbours, after all."

Good Dende-sama! It's not like an open invitation to fu-

She extends her hand and I take it like the good little businessman I was trained to be. Ouji's ears perk up and his lip curls warningly over his canine teeth. Weird fucking dog, just like his master. Doesn't give a flying shit until someone threatens to fuck me first.

"My name's Mary Sue. Mary Sue Laeny."

"That's…uh…great, Laeny-san," I stutter. It's training, really. Doesn't matter if you're the Dahli-fucking-Lama, I'd still address you by Lama-san. Her brow wrinkles at that, and I can see she's not satisfied, but the truth is I'm so fucking close to the house I can smell those damn flowers again. "I…uh…"

"Trunks!" The saving grace of an angel, and I turn at his voice.

My savior's at the top of the steps, leaning like a sexy beast against the railing. Ouja barks happily and even Ouji wags his tail as he beckons me with those lovely black eyes.

"I gotta go, Laeny," I mutter distractedly, discarding décor completely to mount the steps to my husband. "Thanks for the muffins." I can hear her huff of indignation, but I really don't care to indulge it. I just want to taste those pert little lips…

"Ohaiyo, bitch-san!" Goten calls down from the landing, his voice tone unchanging from its cheerful chant.

"He just needs a woman, baka-san! If you love him, you'll set him free!" Good goddamn, I can feel the spectrum of red rainbowed across my cheeks. My hand goes limp and the dogs race ahead into the open kitchen door as Goten unfolds his arms.

"Dream on, onna! It was a woman that made him need the hard, constant love of a man, bitch-san!"

"Goten…onegai…yamero…"

"Oooh, I know all he needs is a little soft, wet…"

Every morning. It's like the trial of Trunks. But every time I succeed, I'm rewarded with a kiss that makes the neighbour swear her day will come.

Yeah, soft, wet, Goten kisses…and blueberry pastries…