"Shit…shit….shit…shit."

"It's on the lamp."

"Nani? How the fuck--where the hell are my…?"

"By the door."

"How…"

"Act of desperation."

He smirks and I could kill him. Throttle him. Ki blast his ass from here back to whatever fucking dimensional hole he crawled out of.

If I wasn't so fucking late for work.

Tripping over Ouji as I pull on my shoes, I apologize with a quick pat to the ears, cringe at the ache bending brings, and shoot toward the door. It's ten past. If I fly maybe…

Ouja's jumping around like a spastic thing, and I can only shake my head.

"Not now, girl, I've got to go…" Flinging my coat over my shoulders, I struggle with it, feeling like a fumbling Son. I try desperately not to step on my prancing princess as I stumble haphazardly to the front door.

"Don't forget to change…" I freeze, my hand on the knob, the other buried in the reaches of my jacket sleeve and jerking for freedom.

"Shit!" That'd be great, wouldn't? Try explaining that to the rest of the world. Give everyone at West Capital Mall a visual orgasm by showing up for work looking like my celebrity persona and seemingly oblivious to the fact that I'm trying to sell them designer clothing.

Regardless of the label. TRX: For men with a curve and women with an edge.

Snapping my arm through the sleeve at last, I shrug my apparel into place and attempt to compose myself.

My coworkers can't smell sex. They can't smell sex. They aren't Saiyan…they can't smell sex…

"Yes they can," comes the languid call from the bedroom and I grit my teeth as my body responds to spite me.

"Fuck you!" I console myself to calm and ascend to the easy level of Super Saiyan, powering down enough to appear punkishly normal. I gaze at my reflection in the window of the door and smile. Yosh…this shirt really does go great with my eyes in this state…

Wrenching open the door, I snatch my keys off the hallway table and stuff them into my pocket. I pause in the frame and call over my shoulder:

"Don't forget to take Ouja to the vet this afternoon!"

When I turn around to close it, my miniature shadow has mysteriously vanished and I get a certain satisfaction in knowing that her little game of hide and seek is invariably going to piss him off.

The bastard.

I take the stairs two at a time. Of course I want to take right to the air, and could have. If I'd've left over an hour ago with my counterpart. But now the neighbourhood's showing signs of waking. The people across the street are getting their two toddlers ready for daycare, hustling them into the back of their Capsule car as they finish the toast still clenched in hand. I guess I'm not the only one late today. The three of us seem to sense the similarities in our predicament and I return their hasty wave with a hurried one of my own.

"Have a good day, Vegeta-san!"

"Hai! You too, Famari-san!"

Heh, Vegeta-san. Still makes me snicker. But I couldn't very well use my real name and expect any peace, could I…? I'd be confined to the West Capital city limits and constantly terrorized by the media. After all, that rat bastard Satan is getting a little too old to hold his title and when he finally resigns, my family will become their new favourite topic of discussion.

It's not easy being a Briefs.

Shit. I walk past Mary Sue Laeny's miracle grow garden at a brisk pace and I see the unsettling sign of a curtain fall suspiciously back into place as I pass. I curse fluently under my breath. Goten's gonna hate it if we have to move because of this one…it's like an instant replay of our last apartment.

Only that incident had been comprised of three women and a man gayer than I am. With binoculars. Who had caught a glimpse of Tora and I doing horribly un-fraternal things to each other in the shower.

The media had loved that one.

But I can't think of that right now. I've got a bloody store to open and if I'm more than fifteen minutes late, that damn building's gonna fine my ass.

Again.

I'm not fifteen minutes late.

I rush through the door at half past and curse that insatiable fucker's name to the thirty-five foot ceilings as I trot down the empty lane, groping for my keys to open the grid.

"Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit…" Turn the corner, down three stores, past the bathroom, opposite the food court.

Still fighting with the keys, which have miraculously gotten stuck in my pocket, it's not until I yank them free that I look up.

And breathe freely.

"Well…somebody's looking ruffled this morning." He slurps noisily from his Styrofoam cup. "Get laid?" Groaning lightly, I curse again, and add my employee's name to the growing list of morning mishaps.

"How'd you get in?" I sip the scalding coffee he hands me, thankful for it. And it's the gourmet kind, not that brewed shit we drink at home. There are times when I could get down on my fucking knees and thank Dende-sama for gracing me with two beautiful twin demi-gods--one that keeps me blessedly sane during my work week, and one that manages the coffee stall across the food court. And consequently keeps me awake on hellishly unpredictable days like today.

I take another sip. It's chocolaty coating doesn't make me think of Tora. More Goten. The first time I gave him coffee that didn't come from a can he got higher than a kite off the kick. I had to fight him down to the ground.

Chichi-san had not been pleased.

"Security. Showed 'em my badge."

"Thank Kami-sama…"

The man grins and twirls his little brown stir stick. "So…I guess you're just finding religion all over the place this morning, ne?"

"Oh, bloody hell! Yes! I got laid this morning. Kami-sama…are you happy?"

Twinkling green eyes lean eagerly over the Dykes and Damsels display.

"Oh, you've just got to tell me. I haven't seen an inch of cock that wasn't my own since Mr. Satan won his last match. I'm simply dying over here, Vegeet-san…"

"…and you said it was how big? Holy shit…"

"Yeah, and that's even before-"

"I hope you girls are talking about scarves." We stop abruptly at the interruption, withdrawing from our midmorning huddle to stand somewhat more respectably behind the counter. Less like bloody school girls in the bathroom between classes.

"Hai, hai," I grin, winking at the baker's wife as she strides purposefully to the seasonal display on the wall near the window. "Scarves."

"Hai, Vegeet-san purchased a new one only this morning. Says it's simply the most delightful thing he's ever seen." Those green eyes glimmer mischievously. "I couldn't agree more." Sen mourns dramatically. "Though he has yet to let me try it on…"

The older woman scoffs and arches a brow. "Well, I have it on good authority that Vegeta-san's scarves at the prettiest in town." She winks at me as she says my name, one of only a handful of people who know my family's not entirely normal. And thankfully, doesn't give a shit.

"But I'm not here for scarves," her grin broadens as she brings her hands together, "I have those at home." We snicker. "I was informed you have the new---"

"Right!" I slap my palm against my forehead and hurry out from behind the counter. "Of course, of course…I said that this morning, didn't I?"

"Hai…" she smirks. "My scarf told me you had them in 'to die for colours'. So," she spreads her hands, "I'm here for my heart attack, please."

"Oh, no," my employee pipes from behind the register, shaking his head theatrically as he watches us move from the front to the back of the store, where all the new items are waiting to be displayed. "That'll be the Mister when you bring home the bill, honey."

The phone rings for the first time that morning as I'm packing the last of Panini-san's purchases into an oversized shopping bag. I glance up in irritation as Sen vaults the counter and comes to my aid, sweeping it off the cradle like a typecast hero in a black and white film.

"Brief Exposure, Sen speaking how can I---Oh, hey, honey! Blonde and sexy, ne…? I don't supposed you'd settle for auburn and sensuous…No, I didn't think so. But a girl can try, right? Oh, Kami-sama, sweetheart, you don't even have to go into women…giving you hell? Where do you---right…right…you're at that new place downtown with the cute little sign with the teddy bears on it. Well just hang on, sweetie. It does get easier. When? Why, when they find out you're a bona fide fag! Then they're like bees to honey, but at least they're sweet about it!"

He laughs at his own joke and I can hear the responding mirth on the other end. I shake my head and hold out my hand.

"Go do what I pay you to…like wait on a customer or something…"

My companion smiles smugly into the telephone. "Hai, Son-san. Working me to the bone. He's such a hard task master."

"Give me that!" I snatch the phone from him and glare, nudging the bag into the corner beside the register with my foot--I'll drop it off on my way home from work tonight. But he knows I hardly mean it. Damn the boy, but he does do what I pay him to do. He keeps me sane.

"Hai, Vegeet-san…I'll go and slave away in men's undergarments. If I'm not back in twenty minutes, call security."

"You wish," I call across the store, startling a group of 'just looking, thanks' from their scrutiny of retro-wear.

"Trunks?"

"Gomen, Goten. He got off his leash. What can I-"

"Trunks-kun, can you do me a favour?"

I stiffen at his tone, immediately wary. "Goten, what's-"

"I can't explain right now. Can you just promise me you're not going to kill me?"

"I…" my eyes narrow. "What the hell did you do, chibi?"

"I…" he sighs and there's silence on the line. I hear him light a cigarette and cringe. He only does that when he's nervous or there's food involved. A trick he learned from his brother when they were younger-cigarettes are an excellent way to kill the remains of an appetite when mother doesn't make enough to satisfy a Saiyan. But I know damn well he had enough to fill all four of his stomachs with breakfast this morning.

Needless to say, this does nothing for my anxiety.

When he speaks, it's in that childishly resigned voice that Tora and I have no defense against, the pleading inflection that always gets the boy exactly what he wants. The tone that tells me, in no uncertain terms, that I'm fucked.

"Trunks-kun, I need you to call Tora and tell him to set up the guest rooms. Gohan's going to be living with us for awhile."

There's a pregnant silence on the other end as my hand clenches white around the phone. I can't even think beyond the haze of 'you've got to be kidding!'.

It's amazing how my life-long aspiration is to play fucking monkey in the middle.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Do you always answer the phone like that?"

"When I'm fucking exhausted, I do."

"Ah, so you do sleep. That's good to know."

A pause. "What the hell do you want, Briefs?"

I swallow. I'm dancing around the issue. Fuck. Stall for time.

"Did you take Ouja to the vet yet?" Regardless of the fact that it's only 1 o'clock?

Another pause…a sigh. "You didn't call me to bust my nuts about the dog, Trunx. What the hell's going on?"

"Nothing serious, just…" Why does he always make me feel like I'm five years old? What the fuck is it about him that intimidates the hell out of me?

"Just…?"

"Well…you know Gohan and Videl have been separated, right?"

"Yeah…" I hear him shift and wonder if he's still in bed. "Last I heard the divorce hadn't gone through yet. So?"

"So it did. This morning." Deep breath. "She got everything."

Quiet. "And…"

"Oh, fuck it." I pinch the bridge of my nose and resist the urge to click my heels to get out of this fucking dream. "And Goten told Gohan he could live with us." I swallow and clench my teeth around the next word. "Indefinitely. So just make the fucking guest room look respectable before tonight, alright?"

"Trouble in paradise?"

Closing my eyes, I push the off button on the telephone and set it on the counter before I break it.

"Yeah. Eve just ate the fucking apple and handed the deed to the garden to her brother."

Beautiful green eyes darken questioningly and I'm struck by the sudden thought that I could say to hell with all of it and run off into the sunset with this cute curly-haired twink. It's not until my employee rounds the corner with a pricing gun in one hand and a stack of stockings in the other that I realize I'm not talking to Sen. As if the cute little coffee-logo on the apron weren't enough.

I wonder if Tora and I manage to fuck with people to this extent. They even smell the same. It's eerie.

Sen looks from me to his brother questioningly. "Huh?"

Rei shrugs, propping an elbow on the glass, pushing at the viperous phone with his index finger. "Problems on the homefront."

Sen looks up worriedly. "Is everything ok? It's not Goten, is it?"

It's then I could kiss him, take his adorably round face in my hands and swipe my lecherous tongue across those naturally pouty lips that bring in so many sales. Forget about all this bullshit that seems to have taken a chaotically good morning and fucked it sideways. My eyes flicker to Rei. And if the best things come in threes…

I shake my head, taking in his too-tight denim, his faux-cashmere sweater, and the brilliant lime green accent around his neck . Nope. Never work out. Between the three of us, we could never agree on a colour scheme for the apartment.

"My brother-in-law…" I sigh, bracing my elbows on the counter and watching the sporadic trickling of uninterested customers walk by. A teenager stops to admire our window display, elbowing a friend in the side when she spies our logo. They scurry away on the tittering of adolescent laughter.

"That hot little number with the suit?" Rei perks up. "The one that married Satan's daughter?"

"Yeah…"

"Didn't he cheat on her with-"

"Uh huh."

"And they were getting a-"

"Yup."

"Ohhh," Sen interjects warily. "She got everything, huh?"

"You got it."

"Ah. So what's-"

"He's going to be living with us for awhile, apparently."

They cringe simultaneously. "Ouch." The twins exchange glances.

"Does he know about you and---"

If only it were that easy.

I slant my gaze from one to the other and wonder, not for the first time, if the same could be said for them.

"No." I bang my head against my folded arms and groan. What a bizarre fucking day…And why does it seem that it's always my ass on the line? There's something truly unfair about all of this. Pushing to stand with obvious reluctance, I try to run my fingers through my hair--a nervous habit--only to be denied by the stiff blonde of my daytime façade. It just doesn't get any better, does it?

"Look, I've gotta split early. You mind closing on your own tonight?"

His fey eyes twinkle and he shakes his head, leaning one hip against the counter's edge and crossing his arms. Rei assumes the same position and I have the sudden feeling I've been blindsided. Narrowing my eyes, I wait for the catch.

"Only if you give us your phone number."

My brow furrows and I straighten. "It's been a slow day. I really don't think you'll have any problems…"

Sen waves his hand dismissively and wrinkles his nose attractively. "Kami-sama, never mind that." Leaning forward, he flashes the whites of his teeth, like a kitten after prey. Cute, but cunning.

"We wanna call and ask that sexy and totally available man shacking up in your spare room out for coffee sometime." Rei laughs as Sen shrugs. "Who knows? Maybe it wasn't a fluke, ne? Maybe his affair wasn't a one time thing and he really does just need a little…helping hand."

I blanche. The hereditary twitch above my left eye begins to spasm and I nod feebly. Can't deal with thinking about Gohan and sex…that's just too…fucked up, even for me. Scribbling my home phone on the back of an expired coupon for free pizza delivery from the place across the street, I hand it over reluctantly.

"Just remember. He didn't know it was a man at the time."

The twins share a knowing smirk and Rei slips the scrap into his breast pocket with the finesse of a man who's been handed a winning lottery ticket and told to keep it under wraps. "That's what he says."